Story shared by Ashlee Crump

Everyone has a story and for the longest time I truly hid from mine. A little background on myself; I have Alopecia, an autoimmune disease that causes my body to attack my own hair follicles at any random time. It has been an ongoing process since I was six years of age. I lost all my hair in first grade. It was devastating as I was the only child that did not have hair, and there could be no explanation to be given. I remember thinking why doesn't any of the other kids look like me at school, at the mall, or on tv? By the next school year, my hair grew back, but to only fall out again for the following school year. By the time I was ten it started to grow back again, however, my eyebrows and eyelashes were always sparse. The constant process of losing and growing was difficult to understand, let alone trying to explain why I looked this way to kids and adults. In all honesty, adults were crueler than the kids. So I just never, and I mean never, talked about it! If the topic of hair came up, I quickly changed the subject. You see, I grew up in a house where the motto was, ' if you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.' Well let's face the facts, that's no way to address any issue in life.

Growing up, I only saw woman with long hair. My mother has long beautiful thick hair, and she has never gotten a hair cut that changed her appearance, even to this day. She is attached to the idea of hair making her feel beautiful. (Which we need to all know she really does have beautiful hair. ) At a very young age, all I knew was hair defined a girls beauty, it was one of the major characteristics that made her an attractive female. Plus, how do we describe someone? By their weight and hair! In my family and societies defense, in the past we did not embrace or educate on the difference of what is beautiful, like we are in today's times with access to information. We were only taught to see beauty as a Barbie figure, from head to toe.

After a decade of having a head of hair (my Alopecia stayed dormant), during my second year of college I lost my hair completely again. But this time I was facing Alopecia as an adult. When I started losing my hair I didn't dare talk about it with anyone. I didn't want people to know I was scared how I endured Alopecia as a weakness. I felt my only absolute option was to go to a short haired wig. A look that was not known in my world. At the time, it felt like the only choice I had. Feeling alone with no one to relate to, I had to tuck away what felt like impossible emotions, and try to continue concentrating on my studies. I didn't speak about my Alopecia at school or to my friends. I simply said, "I cut my hair short. " For almost ten years I didn't admit or talk about it with my in laws, peers, and majority of my friends. If the door bell rang I had to quickly run to put my hair on. I lived in constant fear someone would discover what I felt like was a flaw.

Let's speed up to today's views! Finally, after almost a lifetime for me, I now will NOT let hair define me.

A few years ago I connected with others who have Alopecia and I suddenly didn't feel so alone. I saw how happy, beautiful, proud, and outspoken they are as individuals. I learned what self love ultimately was by surrounding myself around positive people. It was like a light bulb clicked, and I realized I have allowed myself to stay hidden from who I truly am.

Today, I am happy to wear hair when I want, and go out bald. I can actually talk about being bald without being nervous and crying. One of the most important tools to finding happiness is being true to yourself. If cutting/shaving or even just embracing lack of hair makes you feel more like you, than the world will only see beauty. When you compare yourself to others you're robbing your own beauty and happiness. Nothing is more freeing then being true to yourself. Push the bar for others to see you, not just the lens of pure judgment that we are taught by the standards of society. Change can be scary for anyone. Embracing change gives you strength. A female who has a shaved/or bald head, helps the human race to realize that beauty isn't defined in only traditional female looks!

Share this Story